Baar Baar Dekho: If not, at least look deeper

This movie holds a special place in my life. It was the first movie my girlfriend and I watched 6 years back, and we had a big (and first) disagreement over the core message of the movie.

In plain terms, this movie preaches living in the present. Diya (Katrina Kaif), in one of the pivotal scenes of the movie, says — “I’m your present, standing in front of you. Instead, you’re chasing a future that nobody has seen.”

She has a point. Life is trivial. Death is a reality that can visit us before our goals and dreams. The life in front of us may be the only one we have.

But what about the future? Just out of college and living my startup dream, my point of view was similar to what Jai’s (Sidharth Malhotra) response was — “At least, I can plan for the future.”

The things I could achieve in future — startup success, MBA from abroad etc, was more valuable than present. Many of my friends and I had sacrificed my fun and enjoyment for 2 years to get into IIT (premier engineering college in India), and it has worked out well for us.

This has been a fundamental tension in our relationship. Is anything worth accomplishing in the future is no more meaningful than what we can experience in the present?

While the answer was always in front of me, it took four years, multiple discussions, and life experiences to find it.

Finding my conclusion

It finally dawned on me yesterday when I was reading “How Will You Measure Your Life” by Clayton Christensen during my SFO to Delhi flight. In this book, he tries explaining why his HBS batch-mates, without any intention of their part, landed up jail, miserable marriage, or divorces.

Christensen explains that it’s easy over-invest in our career, profit etc, as it gives immediate results — promotion, more salary, new launch etc. In contrast, investing time and energy in health, relationship with spouse, and family doesn’t offer an immediate sense of accomplishment.

The book recommends being intentional to escape this trap. You should set non-career goal as well. For example, author had 1 of the 3 goals of his life to have a happy, fulfilling relationship with spouse and family, and then invest time and energy to achieve it — turn up on events, plan surprises etc.